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lyrics

Fairy Cakes

They believed in a mythical being,
who supposedly loved his creation.
Omnipotent and all seeing -
His will needing no explanation.
They followed his lore from a book
by disciples raising the stakes -
saying one thing they just shouldn’t cook
were those sinful and bad fairy cakes.

“Good will to all men” they proclaimed
(but the women don’t get a mention),
the white bearded god was acclaimed
for his homo-erectus invention.
Famine, starvation and war
were delivered for all of our sakes
but don’t ask a bakery store
to decorate bad fairy cakes.

So they prayed for divine intervention
over such an abomination
(peace and love didn’t get a mention
they beat out their biblical frustration).
They sprinkled their mixture with bile
and threw in the nuts and the flakes
but no way on God’s green earth
were they going to bake bad fairy cakes.





The priests were getting quite frantic
(momentarily forgetting the joys
of their extra-curricular antics
with unwary, young choirboys).
But when the devil is hungry,
you do whatever it takes
to keep him away from the bakery
and those blasphemous, bad fairy cakes.

The god squad were all up in arms
at the thought of all of those “queers”
indulging in teacakes and barms -
it resurrected disturbing fears
that at the last supper it’s written
there were no hens, only drakes,
and who knew if they were smitten
by a batch of those bad fairy cakes.

credits

from Screaming Blue Murder, released September 30, 2018
WORDS/VOCALS: Ian Whiteley
MUSIC/INSTRUMENTS: Martin Heaton
ADDITIONAL GUITARS: John Kettle

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